


Common Courtesy

by triste



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste/pseuds/triste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first thing America did whenever he made a new invention or discovery was show it off to England.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Common Courtesy

Title: Common Courtesy  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Hetalia  
Pairing: America/England  
Rating: PG-13  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

~~

The first thing America did whenever he made a new invention or discovery was show it off to England. He’d done it for as long as could remember, ever since he was a child. England’s reactions tended to range between grudgingly impressed to irritated dismissal. This one was leaning towards the latter.

“It’s a blob,” he said flatly, peering at the rotund white creature sitting in America’s hands. “A sodding *blob*.”

“It’s not just any blob,” America said proudly, refusing to be put off. “It’s a blob in perfect likeness of myself! Note the markings on its face that look exactly like my glasses. Isn’t it amazing?”

“And?” England prompted. “What does it do?”

“Um.” America was stumped. “It doesn’t actually *do* anything.”

“It can't use magic? Alchemy? Can it fly? Does it speak?”

“Well, no.” America jiggled the blob encouragingly in England’s face. “It eats lettuce. That’s about it. But don’t be fooled by its deceptive appearance. It’s still awesome! I even gave it a name. I call it Mochimerica!”

England narrowed his eyes at the blob. If his intent had been to intimidate Mochimerica, it only backfired and achieved the opposite effect. Mochimerica hopped out of America’s hands and onto England’s left shoulder, nuzzling his cheek affectionately.

“Hey, what are you...” England trailed off, his annoyance melting away. He even began to smile, reaching out and giving Mochimerica a pat on the head. “Now that I look at it closer, it’s kind of cute.”

“Right?” America said eagerly. “Isn’t it just? You want to pet it and snuggle it and love it, don’t you?”

England wasn’t listening anymore. He was too busy laughing as Mochimerica continued to nuzzle him. “Stop that. You’re tickling me!”

The only time America ever saw England this blissfully joyful was when he was surrounded by his imaginary friends. This was definitely better, he decided. Unlike England’s fairies and unicorns, Mochimerica was real and visible. It was far less freaky watching him interacting with the blob. He didn’t come across as being half as insane, for starters.

“So, you like it?” America asked. “Well, I guess it’s really a him. Since he bears such a striking resemblance to myself and all. Actually, I’m not sure if these things have a gender or not.”

That caught England’s attention. “You’re giving it to me?”

America shuffled his feet. “Er, yeah. If you want it that is.”

England blushed, averting his gaze. America liked seeing him this way, pleased but too embarrassed and shy to show it. This side of England was even rarer than the one that had been laughing so openly at Mochimerica earlier. It reminded America of how England used to be, back in America’s youth. England was always so guarded and resentful around him these days. As much as America enjoyed teasing and making fun of him, he couldn’t deny preferring England’s more endearing qualities.

“Oh,” England said. “In that case, thank you.”

“Great! Take good care of it, okay? Don’t do anything weird to it.”

“I won’t! I’m not incompetent. I can handle something like this just fine!”

“Good to hear it.” America gave England a hearty slap on the back. “Enjoy getting to know your new pal. You won’t be as lonely now, huh?”

England bristled. “I am *not* lonely! I’ll have you know–”

He cut himself off abruptly before America could learn exactly what he’d been about to inform him, distracted by Mochimerica attempting to burrow under the collar of his shirt.

“Hey,” he said, his voice significantly gentler as he coaxed Mochimerica out of its hiding place. “Don’t be scared. I shouldn’t have shouted so loudly. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

“You’re never that sweet with me,” America pouted. England ignored him, too occupied with comforting Mochimerica to care or make a come back.

It was probably for the best, America convinced himself. Having Mochimerica around would be good for England, if only to make him more honest and likeable.

~~

Three days later, Mochimerica had worked a miracle. England was so happy lately, in fact, that it was starting to get on America’s nerves. He was starting to wonder whether the old England had been better, the one that was eternally stubborn and argumentative.

The biggest shock of all had come during their next world conference. The seating arrangements remained unchanged, with France sitting on England’s left as usual. The only difference was England’s behaviour. France’s typical manner of greeting his neighbour was via a good old-fashioned grope, to which England never failed to respond with both physical and verbal abuse.

This time, however, France’s wandering hands went entirely unnoticed by England. His attention was focused completely on Mochimerica. America caught something that sounded suspiciously like England was briefing the blob on the subject of global warming. Why he’d brought Mochimerica along in the first place America had no idea, but the meeting room was considerably quieter than it would have been otherwise.

Firstly, France gave England’s thigh a friendly squeeze. It was somewhat friendlier than the average thigh squeeze, what with his hand being dangerously close to England’s crotch, but England failed to comment on it. Even tweaking his nipples through his shirt couldn’t gain his attention. England was, quite simply, away with the fairies, so to speak. Or in this case, away with the blob.

France was distraught. “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you resisting? Stop playing with your pin cushion and start swearing at me, already!”

“It’s a blob,” America corrected. “I gave it to him as a gift.”

“This thing?” France poked Mochimerica suspiciously with a forefinger. England smacked him away.

“Don’t touch it! Who knows where your hands have been.”

“They were only a few millimetres away from your groin until recently."

England scowled. “What are you talking about, you dunce? I never felt a thing.”

France gawked. Then he turned to America, panicked. “You broke him! Admit it!”

“I didn’t do anything!” America said. France flung himself across the table and shook him vigorously.

“Fix him!” he commanded. “He’s not supposed to ignore me. He should be saying things like ‘Don’t touch me!’ and ‘Ah! Not there!’ and ‘Let go of me, bastard pervert!’ Make him normal again!”

America yanked himself loose from France’s death grip. “If you want to blame someone, blame the blob. That’s what’s making England so abnormal.”

“I kinda like him like this,” Italy declared. “Before he was mean and scary, but now he’s a really nice guy!”

“You don’t understand!” France cried. “He’s so much better when he’s harder to molest! I can’t get turned on if he’s not trying to hurt me!”

Russia raised his hand. “You can molest me if you want. I wouldn’t mind hurting you in exchange. Actually, I’d love it. Become one with me, comrade. I would treat you well. I make my belongings last. Broken toys are no fun to play with, after all.”

France made a tactical retreat, staying well out of Russia’s reach. “Maybe later...”

America sighed. A huge commotion had broken out because of France. Most people’s attention (Russia’s especially) was focused on him. America could feel his energy and motivation draining away. It usually did whenever he wasn’t the centre of attention. Suddenly he just couldn’t bring himself to be bothered about the meeting anymore.

Bored, he surveyed the scene before him. Italy had left his seat and was feeding Mochimerica with England’s consent. China was hovering over England’s shoulder, prodding Mochimerica with the blunt end of a pencil. Greece was, unexpectedly, wide awake for once. He and Japan were playing together with the cream coloured kitten he’d brought into the meeting.

America wondered if he ought to introduce a rule banning pets. For some reason, he found it impossibly to imagine Greece without his many cats, China without his panda or Canada without Kumajirou. Every nation seemed to have a mascot of some kind. Except America that was, unless he counted Tony the alien. Mochimerica also sort of counted. Even more surprising than Greece not sleeping the day away was Germany remaining completely silent. Efficient and organised by nature, noise and disorderliness offended him greatly. Sadly for Germany, noisy and disorderly was what their meetings always were.

On closer inspection, America noticed Germany wearing a pair of small, inconspicuous earplugs. He only removed them when America tapped him on the arm.

“Are you listening to your iPod or something?” America said, disgruntled. If Germany, of all people, was slacking off it could only mean the end of the world.

“Of course not,” Germany replied. “These things block out all surrounding sound. It’s getting harder and harder for me to keep control when everyone else is determined to give me tension headaches. It’s also bad for my blood pressure. This way, I just wait until they calm down of their own accord without me getting stressed. It’s a Canadaer of patience.”

It was a pretty good idea, America thought. For Germany, anyway. America was the opposite. He thrived on chaos and insanity.

Strangely enough, England was the one who appeared to enjoy being the main focus. As America had shown Mochimerica off to him, England was now showing Mochimerica off to everyone else.

It was starting to make America resentful.

~~

America’s phone rang just before 6am the following Friday. England was the caller. He sounded disturbed from what America could make out.

“Something happened.”

“Hmm,” America said.

“That blob thing, Mochimerica, or whatever. It woke me up a few hours ago pestering me to be fed, so I gave it some lettuce to keep it quiet. When I next woke up, there were two of them sitting on my pillow.”

“Hmm.”

“Didn’t you hear me? There are two of them, damn it! How on earth did that happen?”

“Hmm.”

There was a long pause on England’s side. “America, what’s one plus one?”

America didn’t even have to think. “Hmm.”

England sighed. “I’ll talk to you again when you’re properly awake.” Then he hung up.

~~

As promised, England pulled America aside before they could enter the meeting hall. They still hadn’t finished their original conference yet, America remembered. No wonder Germany had refused to allow any of them to escape until they reached an acceptable conclusion.

Something caught America’s eye before England could speak. Something strange. Something unnatural. Something... curvy.

“When did you get breasts?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes to check he wasn’t seeing things.

“What?” England glanced down at his front. “Oh, it’s the blobs. They can’t stand being apart from me. That’s why I have to keep them close. Lady’s lingerie is very convenient for such a purpose.”

America stared. He couldn’t seem to stop staring. Eventually, the power of speech returned to him. “Where the heck did you get a bra?”

England didn’t answer. “Right then, off we go.”

“Don’t change the subject!”

England must have gone conveniently deaf, because America’s voice failed to reach his ears.

“Ah! Boobies!” Italy cried upon catching sight of England. He left his seat, crossed the room and had his hands on England’s chest before America could even blink. Watching England getting groped by France was one thing. Watching him getting groped by Italy was something quite different.

Korea’s eyes lit up. He quickly followed Italy’s example, arms outstretched, hands already assuming the cupping position.

“Get away from me, you fools!” England snapped. “You’re going to squash the blobs!”

He went on to explain the situation. Mochimerica and its twin were duly presented to the rest of the group as proof. China was the first to give his input.

“How peculiar,” he said. “So there were two of them when you woke up? And only after you’d fed the original?”

“That’s right,” England said. “Come to think of it, it was the first time I’d fed Mochimerica at night. I’d only ever fed him during the day before that.”

“Hey, I’ve seen this movie!” Spain piped up. “You can’t feed them after midnight or get water on them, or else they’ll multiply like crazy.”

Everyone turned to America.

“Is this true?” England asked.

“How should I know?” America said defensively. “Mochimerica never did anything like this when it was in my care!”

“You’re saying this is my fault?”

“Enough,” China cut in. “We’ll know for sure if we run a few tests.” He reached for England’s glass of water and poured a few drops of the liquid onto the nearest blob. For a moment nothing happened, but then the blob began to shudder violently. After that it split itself in two.

Everyone present uttered a collective “ooh”.

“I guess that proves it,” China said. “It should be fine as long as we don’t create any more of them.”

As if on cue, Italy leaned over and accidentally knocked the glass over. The three Mochimericas soon became fifteen.

“Whoops.”

~~

America had a problem. A very big problem. Because of the Mochimericas he couldn’t get close to England. England had taken everything in his stride, much to America’s surprise. He doted on each blob equally. He’d even added dabs of different coloured paint to each Mochimerica in order to tell them apart.

It had been hard enough getting England to notice him back when there was only one blob. Now it was next to impossible.

“We need to figure out what to do with these guys,” he said reasonably. “You can’t keep all of them.”

“Why not?” England questioned.

“Gee, let me think. First, they take up all your time. Second, they’ve getting on my nerves. Third... isn’t it getting a bit crowded at your house? Shouldn’t war have broken out between your visible friends and the invisible ones already?”

“There hasn’t been a problem. Besides, I like the company.” England turned away to acknowledge the pink blob that was nibbling on his tie. “Yes, yes, I know you’re there. I’ll feed you in a moment. Be patient.”

Another blob, the blue one, hopped up to perch on top of his head. The green and yellow blobs were sitting on his left and right shoulder respectively while the others crowded around England’s ankles.

England laughed in contentment, petting them all in turn. “You rowdy little buggers. You just won’t leave me alone, will you?”

Now America was the one left feeling lonely as England continued to fuss over the blobs. He was running out of options to make England acknowledge his existence.

“You never did give me anything in exchange, you know,” he said suddenly. “For the first Mochimerica, I mean.”

England frowned. “Should I have?”

“Sure!” America enthused. “It’s common courtesy to return one gift with another.”

England wasn’t pleased. “You can’t give gifts simply for the sake of giving?” America shook his head. “Fine. What do you want?”

America pointed at his mouth. “A kiss.”

England’s face flushed scarlet. “You cheeky git. Are you having me on?”

“Nope.” America puckered up. “Give me a kiss. It’s only fair.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’re after?”

“Well, I can’t guarantee what’ll happen afterwards...”

“Fine! If that’s what it takes to keep you quiet.” England set the blobs down one by one. His was still blushing as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Go on,” he added. “Let’s get it over with.”

The blobs were watching intently, but America didn’t care. England’s eyes were already closed, his face tilted upwards in anticipation. America had to lean down to reach his lips, placing one hand on England’s right hip and looping his free arm around his waist to prevent any attempts at escape. Their mouths finally met, the kiss slow and sweet. One kiss became two. Two became three. America’s plan had worked. The way England looked at him when they broke apart, breathless, was like America was the centre of his whole world, like nothing else mattered.

This was what America had really wanted. The kisses were a nice bonus, of course, but being able to hold England’s attention so completely like this was better.

“You said only one kiss,” England reminded him, but he was smiling regardless. “That was three.”

America smiled back, nudging England’s nose playfully with his own. “Those last two were a bonus. Like a buy one get one free. Or rather, buy one get two free. What a great deal, huh?”

Tragically, the moment was ruined by what was turning into the bane of America’s life. Now he knew why the blobs had been so fascinated. They were all making kissy faces at England.

“Okay,” America said, drawing the word out. “That’s what I call freaky.”

The blue blob, the one England insisted was the original Mochimerica, pounced. Its kiss landed on England’s left cheek. England was left speechless.

“Oh crap.” America was sweating. “I just taught them something weird.”

And he had. The other blobs took their turn to peck England on the cheek, steadily driving him away from America.

“Cut it out!” England’s laughter was more uncertain than it had been previously. “That’s embarrassing!”

“It’s plain wrong!” America roared.

~~

That night, America had a nightmare. It involved a helpless England and a hoard of horny blobs having their twisted way with him. Ordinarily America would have dismissed it as the effects of having read too much of Japan’s erotic manga, but he knew the blobs possessed both intelligence and learning capability.

This was bad. He had to get rid of the blobs before they started sprouting tentacles and became truly dangerous.

~~

America’s first idea had been to release the blobs into the wild and let them roam free. It was quickly tossed aside when he thought about how much trouble they might cause to the general public if left to their own devices. The worst-case scenario (and yet another of Japan’s influences) had been America conjuring up the mental image of the blobs uniting into one giant being. Or, as America had dubbed it, Mochimericazilla, a monster that could trample skyscrapers and shoot laser beams out of its eyes.

It was too much to hope that the blobs might turn on each other and resort to cannibalism, thus solving America’s problem for him. They were sociable creatures that loved nothing more than being able to form a happy blob pile (usually on top of England).

America couldn’t handle this alone, at least not without advice. Japan would no doubt be his safest bet.

“I’m not sure if this will help,” Japan said when America called him, “but my people used to believe there was a rabbit pounding mochi in the moon.”

“So you’re saying that’s where mochi originated from?”

“Not exactly. This was in the days before scientific advances. It is merely a myth.”

“But it could be true. It’s worth a try!”

It was also the nicest thing America could do for the blobs, returning them to their own kind. Luckily, he knew just who to ask.

“Tony!” he said, stepping between the grey and his television. Tony had been watching re-runs of The X-Files again. He was obsessed with that show. “I need a favour. Can you take a bunch of blobs on a one way trip to the moon for me?”

Tony made a noise of disgust. “What a fucking liberty.”

America cocked his head, confused. “Is that a no?”

~~

Half a week later, America had failed to find a solution.

“They haven’t raped you yet, have they?” he asked England anxiously over the phone. “They’re not doing anything perverted?”

“Of course not!” England said irritably. “Have you gone quite mad?”

“Just checking. You’re not lying to me, are you? You’re not hiding the truth because you’re too ashamed to admit it?”

England hung up.

That was when the doorbell rang. Canada was waiting when America went to answer it.

“I don’t have time to entertain,” he said impatiently. “Make it quick.”

“I came to show you this,” said Canada. America couldn’t see anything at first, not until he squinted. Then he could just about make out the form of what looked suspiciously like a Mochimerica, the only difference being that it was almost completely transparent, not unlike a jellyfish. It eyes were a pale violet whereas the Mochimericas’ eyes were bright blue.

America poked it. “What the heck is this?”

“I call it Mochicanada,” Canada announced. “It’s totally unique. There isn’t anything else like it in the world.”

America waved him away. “Dude, I discovered a whole bunch of these things weeks before you did. You’re way behind.”

“Seriously?” Canada’s face fell. “How disappointing.”

America nudged him cautiously. “There’s only one, right? You haven’t given it water or fed it after midnight?”

“No,” Canada said, baffled. “It always sleeps at night. I feed it cabbage during the day. It seems to like the taste.”

America's eyes lit up. “Hey, Canada. You’re always nagging about being mistaken for me, yeah? You’re always whining about not having anything that makes you stand out from any other country, yeah?”

“I wouldn’t put it like that.”

“But it bothers you, doesn’t it?” America slung an arm around Canada’s shoulders. “I have an idea. How about you take on my little guys to coexist with your little guy and use them all to promote tourism? People will come from far and wide to check out something so unusual. It’ll make you more noticeable, bring in new visitors and it’ll be good for the economy.”

Canada seemed dubious. “In other words, you want me to set up a freak show.”

“A petting zoo,” America argued. “Kids love those things. They’re really family friendly. What do you say?”

“I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad,” Canada admitted. “I could certainly give it a try...”

America shook his hand enthusiastically. “Awesome! You won’t regret it. Trust me on this!”

And so he did what he’d always done by dumping everything he didn’t want onto his unsuspecting younger brother. There was no point messing with a system that worked so well, after all.

~~

Job done, America went to visit England and his blob free house. England was understandably upset over his loss. He’d grown rather attached to the creatures during their short time together. It made America feel like the bad guy for tearing them apart.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said. “You’ll get over it. They were only blobs.”

“They were my friends!” England insisted. “They loved me!”

“Yeah, a little *too* much.” America coughed. “Anyway, cheer up. I’m here for you, aren’t I?”

England glared balefully. “You couldn’t care less about me. How could you give me something only to take it away?”

“Jeez, I’m sorry! How many more apologies do I have to make until you’re satisfied?”

But America had forgotten about England’s ability to hold a grudge. He had yet to forgive America for the War of Independence, and that had been centuries ago. America hoped England’s newest grudge wouldn’t last nearly as long.

“Come on,” he coaxed, scooting closer to where England was sitting on the sofa. “Don’t dwell on it. Smile for me.”

England merely scowled and budged a few inches further up the sofa out of spite. America followed him to close the distance between them, and England moved away again.

“At this rate, you’re going to fall off the couch,” America warned.

“I don’t care,” England said, determined to punish him. “Stay away from me.”

America pushed on regardless, winding his arms around England. England immediately went stiff and unresponsive. It was like trying to hug a plank of wood, but England wasn’t about to give in. He tucked England’s head under his chin, rubbing his back gently and nuzzling him with his cheek the way he’d seen the Mochimericas do.

It took a while but it worked. England gradually relaxed into America’s embrace. “I’m still angry with you,” he muttered, his breath tickling the side of America’s neck.

“I know,” America replied, smiling softly into England’s hair. “It’s not very hero-like to make someone sad. Even though I probably do that a lot where you’re concerned.”

“Then don’t do it. It’s that simple.”

‘No it’s not,’ America wanted to agree. ‘Nothing is ever simple when it comes to you.’ But what came out instead was, “You’re so stupid. You always have to complicate things.”

“It keeps you on your toes,” England retorted. “That tiny brain of yours would cease working altogether if I didn’t keep on stimulating it. You’re the idiot here, not me.”

“And you’re in denial,” America countered. “But that’s okay. You never change. It’s actually kind of reassuring. No matter what happens, you’re always you.” He kissed England on the forehead. “Enough of this depressing talk! Allow me to comfort you with my body and soul!”

“Don’t say something that makes you sound like France. One of him is more than enough. The world doesn’t need any additional perverts running wild.”

“I’m nothing like France. I’m much more choosy about the kind of people I chase after. I’ve only ever had eyes for one guy and he’s too busy sulking in my arms to notice.”

“I am not sulking. Flattery won’t get you anywhere.”

“Flattery works like a charm. See? You wouldn’t be going red if it didn’t.”

England hid his face against America’s shoulder. “Don’t look. I forbid it. Remember I’m still angry.”

“Angry.” America nodded. “Right.” But England didn’t stop him when kissed his forehead again. He also didn’t stop America when he kissed him on the cheek. It took a little more persuasion to get him to lift his face so America could kiss his lips. He was as awkward as ever when America kissed him again, but that was all right.

America had enough confidence for the both of them.

 

End.


End file.
